Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Just One.

            One positive thought.

                             It's all you need..

As I got home from work on a rainy day last week, all these thoughts kept running through my head of all the things I want to do before I’m 30. My bucket list, my hopeful thoughts, my wishes, my dreams…the list goes on and on. I’m one of the first people you’ll catch writing down my goals each month…something new to chase after and something different to accomplish. But then I was stuck – I couldn’t see what was ahead of me, what potential there was in each day, what I wanted in my life… just stuck.

There was something holding me back, something I was holding on to that wasn’t letting me see my life clearly. I wasn’t letting myself be here, be present, right here, be available to the people and things around me. What was it?

It could have been the negative clutter of thoughts I was allowing to stay in my head over the last few months. It could be the anxiety that I slowly feel is taking over my body and my mind each day. Maybe my worries about my job and my life and what I’ll never get to be when I grow up. The money I don’t have to buy a home I want in the future, the places I want to go to but I don’t and won’t have the money – hold up, what?

I’m worrying about all these what if’s, all these fears, all these goals I want for my distant future. There was a time when ‘I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grow up’ was ok. That feeling free and young was what I wanted, that even though I don’t know what I want, or I might change my mind tomorrow…that everything is just as it should be and I’m ok. I was getting wrapped up in a negative way of being and negative chain of thoughts…Then I realized: I need to start getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Shit happens. Things get in the way, and I was letting them get in the way of my life. I was letting all of my negative thoughts control my positive ones. All the sickness in the world, the heart ache…was actually creeping through my dreams, my thoughts, my every day reactions, actions and life.

"One small, positive thought can change your whole day. Realize the impact of this - the power you have over your whole world."

We get so caught up in what others want and think it’s what we should want. We think that just because we aren’t built a specific way or look a certain way that we aren’t perfect and that our lives aren’t perfect. This life, the one your living, you – it’s ALL perfect. We need to stop wanting and waiting for things to change. Letting the buildup of the negative hold us back and bring us down.

I was letting all of the bad things in my world bring my down and hold me back. I just needed, needed, needed….what? What is it that I need?

Happiness. A smile. A good friend to remind me that everything is going to be ok. The negative thoughts - they happen, the sadness – it comes and goes. Don’t give up hope.  Don’t let it swell your life and clutter your mind with the I can’t, I won’t and and it’s never going to happen, so give up, give in and throw in your white flag.

I’ll start my diet tomorrow, I’ll go back to school next year, we’ll buy a house when we start saving money, I’ll go traveling when my debt is lower….we keep pushing back life, with fear that we can’t have everything we want – the truth is, you can! Anything you put your mind after, you can achieve. You can build the life you want – just don’t give up on yourself so easily.
This life is created by us. We decide who belongs in it, what belongs it, what is going to define it…what we want it to be filled with.

So I need to stop and let go of all the negativity in my life that I’m holding on to. Stop letting it build up walls where there should be bridges…I just need to choose one positive thought at the start of my day…the domino effect. Believe in your life and all of its possibilities. You can define it and create it – don’t let the negativity swell up and take over.

You deserve happiness and you need to realize this. The good will come and the negativity will wash away – but you need to decide and commit to wanting more and being better. Treating yourself better. Believing in yourself more.

What do you want your life filled with?  Friends, family, memories, a pet, travels, experience…?

I know I want mine filled with happiness and love – and lots of it.

No comments:

Post a Comment