Remember the battles you have won and all the fears you have overcome. 

It's always easier to look back and think about the bad stuff, the troubled times, the challenging moments...I encourage you to reflect on the good times. Maybe you reflect on the bad stuff that turned into good stuff, the troubled times that taught you a lesson and the challenging moments that strengthened you. There is always a lesson in every moment.

Remember how far you have come - how much you have grown - how much you have learned - how much you have let go - how much you have loved - how much you have forgiven. You have faced the world in the last 365 days, constantly growing and learning and changing. You are constantly changing. Letting go of your fears, letting go of your past and stepping into a bright, new future of endless possibilities.

Endless possibilities. 

Remember the battles you have won and all the fears you have overcome. 

April 13, 2013

"This is too harmonious, grand and overwhelming a Universe to believe that it's all just an accident."

I can't believe the last time I wrote a blog post, was April 13, 2013. That is well over two years. So much has happened since that. So many things have changed, and yet...so many things have stayed the exact same.

 I used to write to help calm myself, to express myself. I've always used and loved positive quotes to help get me through difficult times, to help me feel and explain positive experiences. It seems that every quote I read I was able to relate it to something. I used to search the internet for websites that contained quotes: movie quotes, song lyrics, inspirational quotes...anything I could get my hands on that made me feel something. And that's when it hit me. I feel too much. I realized I'm one of those people...you know those people who are overly optimistic. I'm over the top emotional, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I cry too much, I laugh and smile too much. I'm over board on almost everything I do, high energy, big voice, loud thoughts....but I like it. I wouldn't want to be any other way. 

I am over the top, over-flowing, about to explode. I feel everything from every angle, from every step. I take things personally, and I forgive easily. I believe in love and big love and believe in positive situations. I believe that things can ALWAYS be worse and it's important to stay positive. I believe....I guess that's just it. I believe in so much. 

And I used to not. I used to be jealous, and envious, and unhappy. I didn't like who I was or the world I was living in. Everyone I met was better then me. Girls were beautiful and thin, and in turn, that made me not beautiful. Friends were great at their job, and in turn, that made me horrible at mine. I had this brutal, unconfident thought process that literally destroyed every area of my life. It created a negative cloud over my head. I always put on a happy face, was always kind to others...but I felt as though I never stacked up. I was never good enough, and I was never going to be. Life was unfair. I felt sorry for myself.

What I needed to realize...was that just because 'she' is pretty, that doesn't make me not pretty. And just because 'she' was good at her job, didn't make me bad at mine. She could just be pretty, and so was I. And good at her job...because so was I. So what? As humans, we like to complicate things.

I still can't believe I spent so much of my life like that. My teen years and early 20's...feeling sorry for myself. I'm so blessed! Sometimes, when you're in so deep and it's up close to your face, in your head, it's so hard to see the big picture. That life is so grand and beautiful and full of possibility. I didn't see that and I was sad, every day. But what did I do? The moment I realized I was down...I was broken. I realized I got to rebuild myself. I built myself day by day, quote by quote, finding anything that made me feel better. Quotes that made me feel happy, quotes that made me feel loved, quotes that made me feel confident. And every day got better. I started writing, blogging, and every day a layer would come off, and a better, more happier me, would come alive.

It's in the moment of our breakdown, when were at the end of our rope, and it feels like we've hit rock bottom, that greatness is possible. For when you've fallen apart, you're given the opportunity to rebuild yourself, exactly as you like.

Confidence isn't easy. It's something that has to be worked on and built every day. I try to replace my 'confidence thoughts' with being welcoming, happy and friendy. I don't want to care how I look to others, I want to care about how I treat others, how I affect others, how I connect with others. I want to be myself, and I don't want to judge. I want to connect and take everyone in. I want to learn who they are, and see the good in them and all they have to offer.

As mentioned, I'm big on EMOTION, I'm big on feeling, on smiling, I'm big on everything. But not everyones like this. I get asked all the time - why I'm smiling, how I'm always so happy, how I have so much energy. Because I chose to be. When I wake up in the morning, I have CHOICE - and I choose to be happy, I choose to see the good. I make a conscious decision to be pleasant to others, to be a positive person. I've found some people might not like that, they will be negative, rude., they will avoid me at all costs..and that's ok. That's who they are, that's their story. I don't judge them. I just continue to be myself. As long as I'm comfortable with the person I'm being, then my world will keep on spinning.

The topic of being yourself, of confidence, of being kind, trying to impress others, trying to accept others, no judgement...this story comes to mind. I realized that this was during the peak time of trying to change my perspective. I was trying to not compare myself, to not deplete myself of my potential, to believe in myself...

I once applied for a job, and I didn't get it. A friend of mine worked there, and she pleaded my case 'she's so outgoing, always smiling, hard worker, she gets along with everyone, she has so much experience.' But her co-worker said, I'm sorry, she just didn't 'sparkle.' Now...a few months later, they were in desperate times, they were about to open, they were under staffed and they needed people ASAP - so my friend called me and I started work the next day. What happened from there? I was ignored, avoided, I wasn't one of the 'special girls' to them. So I just kept working anyways. I didn't need to be special, I didn't need to be noticed. I didn't need to 'sparkle' in their eyes. This was just a job...

I just kept working. I was myself. I greeted guests who came in the store, I was outgoing with fellow staff, I worked hard, and was always on time, neat and tidy in my sections, I was me - I was good at what I wanted to be good at, and I worked hard because it was my job. I was there to work. And what happened a few months in? They loved me. I was constantly praised, told how great I was with people, how good I was in every section. They offered me higher positions, more training....and what did I do? After 3 months I quit. That job wasn't for me...BUT - the reason for this story, is because I didn't get the job in the first place because I didn't 'sparkle.' Just because I didn't sparkle or stand out to one person doesn't make me not special, or not good enough. First impressions can be hard, and every person you meet is different and expecting different things. We all make judgements first hand, and I'm sure she made hers about me. 

So what? I didn't stand out. I wasn't 'special enough' or I didn't 'sparkle enough'.  I could've let this get to my head, that I wasn't as GOOD as the other girls who were hired before me...but instead, I continued on. I worked my job, and continued being me. Outgoing, smiles a lot, always talking, friendly, warming, welcoming...and sparkly. And just as expected, they started to notice. I didn't ask them to notice - I just didn't let their original judgements of me take over my performance. That's what happens...when we feel judged, or intimidated, or threatened, or jealous...'insert other negative emotions' - we hide. We change. We compare and we get sad. But I didn't want to go down that road...I just wanted to continue on. I CHOSE to be happy. I CHOSE to be outgoing. I CHOSE to be positive. Every day....you have a choice.

And remember that you do sparkle. Every one does in their own way. Others don't need to see it, you don't need to impress anyone. You just need to love yourself. You need to make a choice on what will make you happy. You don't have to be over the top positive and emotional, you don't have to cry at commercials like me, you just have to realize that life is happening, and the life you want is possible, and every morning you are given a choice -- to be thankful - a fresh start to be YOU and decide on how you want to act, and how you want to affect others. You have a CHOICE - always. 

Because you are special. You sparkle. You are different. You are wonderful. You are great. And you are full of endless possibilities. And repeat...

Sunshine and Rainbows

I'm still here. My heart is beating, my passion is full. Eyes wide open.

*******************

There's a famous quote that inspired me to write again. It will probably be familiar to you and at this time, it rings truer than true to my ears. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Life is beautiful, but, life is hard. We go through tough times but they make us even tougher people. We have to encounter the bad to fully appreciate the good - and in truth: shit happens, it always will. And if you accept less than what you deserve, settle for the shit...well things aren't going to ever look up! Sometimes, you have to face your demons head on, realize where you've gone wrong, pick yourself back up and start over. You're the one who gets to turn things around. YOU.

The glory in falling down, is standing back up, starting from fresh. It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked off your feet, it's about always standing back up. About putting up a fight and for never settling for less than you deserve.

Fighting back and standing up for yourself is important, but...let's look at the darker side of it all...what happens when it all doesn't work out? When you plan for things to go a certain way, set goals, tell the whole world about it and yet...you still fall down, you fall short of what you were expecting, or maybe you were dealt a completely different hand, one you didn't want altogether. The truth is, we can set our goals and be confident in ourselves to expect the best...but sometimes, that best doesn't come and worse yet, our best might just not be good enough. Then what? How do you move forward, how do you respond...what next?

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!" - Rocky

You move on. You push on. Life goes on.

Sometimes, life isn't fair. It isn't all 'sunshine and rainbows'...it can be a cruel place. People are going to hurt you, they are going to let you down and sometimes, you need to move on. Do what is best for you in the moment and do what will make you feel better.

We get angry, we lash out, we shut down. We don't like bad things. We don't like how they make us feel, how they affect our goals, our confidence, our life. But...bad things happen. And they will keep on happening, if you let them. You have a choice. To settle for being beat, for giving up, for not succeeding on your goal...or you can move on. Keep pushing, every day. Don't let one experience beat you down for the world to see. Use that experience to better you, to learn. 

Experiences are useful. If something makes us feel sad and mad and empty, we are never going to want to experience that again, so we move in one of two directions: one, down a spiral of self defeat. Be angry, get mad at the world, and decide everyone should feel your pain...and settle. Settle for less than you deserve. Or, two: be angry, get mad at the world, and then move on. Life happens, shit happens. And you realize how horrible you felt, you would never wish that upon anyone. From there, your chain of affects, is amazing. You choose to be a better person, maybe even the bigger person. And in that moment, you are making this world a better place for the next person.

As tough as that decision is, I hope you always choose to be the bigger person. 

You, my friend, have the power. The power to move on and move forward. The power to experience pain and sadness, to be let down, to get mad...and then move on. Push on.  To not let that pain define you...and to still expect 'sunshine and rainbows'. Because even though this life is tough and bad things happen, this life is still beautiful. For every chance you miss, another is granted. For every door that closes, another one opens. For every time you fall, there is the opportunity to stand back up. When something ends, it's the opportunity to start again. You - have - the - choice. Which way will you look at it? How will you let 'life' affect you? You create your world, make it a good place. Spread love, spread positivity and don't spread pain.

Experience is important. But believe in yourself, to have the power to make a change, to realize how much you can affect others and to know the importance, of always standing back up after you fall.

XOXOX

Where is the good?

There is doubt.

There is fear.

There is anger, rejection, hate. There is giving up, giving in, letting go...

Then there is holding on.

There is also love.

There is also happiness, accomplishment, compassion.

There is good, behind the bad. It's just sometimes hidden.

Life can be hard, it can be rough and it can get ugly. Sometimes you take a step forward, only to move three steps backs. The bad, the dirty, the ugly...only makes the good in the world more crystal clear, beautiful and worth it.

Don't give up, don't listen to the nay-sayers, the negative voices around you, the people who say you can't, won't, will not, ever make it, finish it, accomplish it. People who belittle you, fear your success.

The only person you need to believe in you, is you. Fuel the fire, with passion, with the desire to succeed because it's something you want in your life, that will make you happy, make you complete, that will fill your heart with warmth. Do the things that make you happy. Help others do the things that make them happy.

An eye for an eye doesn't work, not today. I won't settle for negativity and sadness because it's what's been thrown at me or because it's what has been thrown at others. When tears come and pain is here, I don't wish that upon anyone. I want happiness, for everyone. We can spread the goodness in the world, the beauty, the passion, the good...it's up to us. To make the conscious decision to make the world better, by being better, by listening to your heart and going after what fuels you, what excites you, what makes you smile.

Don't focus on the bad, on the negative...look for the good. Spread the good, send out positivity into the world and it's what will come back to you. Spread love, give smiles, and happiness.  Be the good, spread the good...give love.

Do the world a favor and believe in yourself and everything you can accomplishment.

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that but the really great make you feel that you too can become great."

Cause happiness.

You can't always control what happens to you in this life. 

You usually don't get to pick the people you meet, the burdens you might run into, and the situations that unfold. What you get to decide, is how you handle everything that happens to you. From the moment you wake up, to the moment you walk out the door - you decide. You choose whether to be powerful, passionate and optimistic. You are the one who can put a smile on your face, and start a chain reaction...with a good deed, one smile, one soul...can change your mood, change your day, change your life.

So decide to make today better. Decide to make you better. Decide to make better choices.

You decide. This life, is yours. You hold the power. You don't always have control over the things that happen to you, but what you can control is your reaction to them...how you handle the situation and the people and how you move forward in making the moment better.

You can make this moment better. You can make your life better. Make the decision to try. Go after your heart and what makes it flutter. Go after what you what...help make the world a better place by making better decisions and going after what you want. One happy person, spreading happiness to others...can cause happiness in this world.

Cause happiness. Cause love. Cause positive choices and decisions.

Be a cause in this world.

Change the way you see everything. 

Change your views, change your world, change your life.

...a little reminder

Sometimes I feel guilty for succeeding, for accomplishing a goal, for feeling good about myself. I struggle sometimes with wanting to please everyone around me, and if things are going good for me, I have a habit of pushing that 'good' feeling to the side, to help please others, to make sure other people are happy...so I don't seem like I'm gloating, or showing off, or too happy.

I used to think being too happy was a bad thing.

I thought it was a bad thing to be competitive, to want to win, to want to succeed. But it's a new leaf, a new year. Sometimes, you need to look out for you and want YOU to be happy.

If you struggle with wanting to please others, but also wanting yourself to be happy...here's a little reminder:

You don't have to feel guilty for wanting to succeed. You don't have to want to always please others, always make sure everyone around you ok with what YOU are going through. This is your adventure, your path and vision....good things are coming for those around you, embrace what is happening for you right now. Embrace the good. Go after what you want...because it is ok for you to have everything YOU want.

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise

It's the people who never gave up. They just kept on pushing. They fought through the fear of failure, of rejection, of not being good enough They knew that just because they failed once, doesn't mean they are going to fail every time. Each time they were kicked down, it didn't matter, all that was important was that they got back up.

Sometimes you need to fail, over and over and over again before you are able to succeed. Sometimes you need to go through the pain and heartache in order to learn how to enjoy and fully appreciate the good things.

Sometimes you have to go through hell before you see the light. But, Don't give up. Every time you fall, stand back up. Fight for your dreams. Believe what is in your heart to be true and get after it.

Don't be scared to fall down. Don't be scared to be rejected, or to fail...this gives you the opportunity to start over, to re-do some things, to realize where you went wrong, did wrong or where you can improve. Don't accept failure as the final outcome, it is only a distraction. But distractions are good. They help you realize how much you might want something, might need something. They show you how hard you are willing to fight and how far you are willing to go for what you want. They leave your heart on the line...to get after it. So don't stop now, keep going. Just keep going.

Fear not my friend. You are on your way.

Yes.

Fall seven, stand up eight.

I'm done with it.

Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try.

No hell below us, above us only sky.

Imagine all the people living for today.

Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do.

Nothing to kill or die for and no religion too.

Imagine all the people living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

I hope some day you'll join us and the world will be as one.

****

I'm just so over it.

It's been over used, over worked and drained. It's been the sad story for too long. It's been everyone's back up, everyone's fall back. It's a motif, an excuse - one used too often. It's talked about too much and given far too much credit (it doesn't deserve). We use it against each other and it just makes people, situations, relationships and the works, worse.

I'm over hate. I'm over anger. I'm over jealousy and revenge. I'm over being weak, over being scared, over feeling small. I'm over fear. I'm over it all.

All I have room for in this life and in my big, beating, shinning heart - is LOVE. Too much love it makes my chest swell and my cheeks sore from smiling. I have room for hope, room for strength, room for happiness and a spot for dreams. I have room for LOVE, love, love and even more love. I want so much love, that it spills over the sides...and finds it's way into the lives and the hearts and the situations of those around me. That's all I have time for, all I will make room for...all that my life will be about.

I want to give back to this world that is struggling to find the good in each and every day. There is so much anger, darkness and fear everywhere we look. So I want to focus on the good and fill my days with excitement and hope and light.

Forget the darkness - Gone are the days of anger, hate and jealousy - Now is the time for love.

There is no better day then today. And today - I choose LOVE. This life is too previous and too short. So count your blessings and hold your love ones close. Be kind to those around you and give too much love - to everyone you meet.

I will only leave room in my life, in my heart and my soul for the GOOD in this world. I only have time for BIG love, happiness and hope and that is all I will send out - I don't have time for games. I won't accept anything less than the best for this life and I hope you choose to do the same.

Let love in.

Love is enough.

Fear not.

...I live for

There’s a saying, “If you don’t live and fight for something, you’ll end up dyeing for nothing.” For me…it’s different. I don’t just live and fight and breathe for something, for one thing, I do it for everything in my life. I live with excitement for each new day and experience. I live with love and passion for my family: for my mother, father, sisters and I live for my dog, who steals all of my damn socks. I live with hope to take care of them one day. I live for my education, my fitness, my health, for the health of others. I live for my friends, that ones in my life, the ones from the past and the people I will meet in the present. I live and push and hope to help others, to give back to this world, to provide opportunity for those who don’t have it. I live for my favorite meal, my favorite getaway and the dream to travel the world. I live for myself, for freedom, for hope, for optimism. I live for hope of a better day and to leave this world in better shape then when I came.  You see…I don’t have to fight and decide and stress. I don’t have to play tug of war with all of the wonderful and difficult things in my life – they all fit, perfectly somehow. I don’t just live for one thing, I live for everyone and everything. There is too much beauty and love in this world to focus just on one thing.

Dream BIG.

Love BIG.

Live BIG.

Enough with the expectations

Wake up to realize you have nothing left to prove to this world. You don't have to impress, or improve, or be better. You don't need to flaunt your skills, your kindness, whatever it may be that you think you need to work on or show off - you don't need to prove this to anyone, not even yourself. You have proven enough to this world - you are giving, caring, careful, gentle, strong, independent...you are everything that makes you complete. You've done enough thinking and believing that you aren't good enough, that things aren't right, you need to keep pushing to be better, for everyone else around you. Stop. Let go. You can let down your walls, there is nothing left to prove. 

Now take a deep breathe.

You are 100% enough all of the time and right now, right now isn't about proving anything to anyone. Why waste your time proving yourself, that your tough enough, strong enough, nice enough...enough, enough, enough! You have done it once and you can do it again, there is no more proving, just being constantly you is enough.

Right now isn't about proving you're ready, that you are stable, that you have complete control over your life - sometimes it's about accepting you DON'T have control and you are OK with not being perfect because life is playing out exactly as it should be. There will be up's and down's. Days when you feel like you've got everything together and days when you want to stay in bed. Weak days and strong days, emotional moments and moments of weakness. The thing is...everyone goes through it. The tough, the rough, the hard, the emotional, the weak....everything. Life is up and down and constant, just like you. So stop proving anything to any one - you are enough. Always.

"You can't live a positive life with a negative mind."

You need to enjoy this moment, not feel pressure from friends or family or anyone around you, especially not yourself. Lay off the pressure - lay off the pushing and shoving and take a step back and breathe. Release the pressure and anxiety to be perfect, and to work harder. The need to keep impressing and pushing to keep up with others, to be enough in their eyes and live up to their standards. You are enough, in this moment and you always will be. Let go of the belief that the world is out to get you. You have to start off with believing in yourself, in your abilities, in the fact that you are enough, because you are. The world is here to help you and people will come in and out of your life to teach you things. You grasp something new with each experience - life is a blessing. 

Let go of the pressure and anxiety and the desire to prove anything. You have nothing to prove. To live every day positively, sending love into the world, knowing that you're always giving your best, accepting each day as they come and the moments as they come...you are living your life exactly as it should be. And it is YOUR LIFE. No one else's. So let go of the need to impress and improve always. For every day of your life you have a decision to move forward and work hard and I know you'll do it. Let go of all of the expectations. Be free to live, freely. Life will have it's up's and down's...sometimes you'll be ahead and sometimes you'll be behind. It's what keeps you working and striving for me. So set goals and dream big...but let go of the expectations of others. Let go of the negative thoughts and the desire to be perfect in others eyes.

Your life. Your rules. Live without expectations. 

Life is about being present in the moment, about taking it all in and being content with this silly, beautiful, wonderful life. 

You have reached and you have achieved so much - so let go of the desire to constantly impress and constantly prove yourself. You are your fullest potential, you are you. Fabulous, perfect and constant. 

Keep your head up.

I've learned there are troubles of more than one kind.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful."

Sometimes bad things happens. Sometimes the right people hurt us, let us down or do the wrong thing. We go through struggles and challenges of all shapes and kinds. I've come down to realize you can't obsess over the bad things that have happened, only take a step back from the situation, take a deep breathe and move on. Maybe allow yourself to worry about it for a quick moment, have a little cry, a little scream, a little yell at the universe and then let it go. Turn around and thank god and this world for every blessing there is in your life.

For every challenge, every struggle, there is growth from that. There is learning and love and experience. So don't make it bad, don't obsess and don't let it control you. Make the experience what you will, then take a deep breathe and move on. Move on to a thought that is bigger and better than your worries and this moment. Be big and be bold and choose a positive thought.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside of you greater than any obstacle you will ever face."

You are bigger than your worries. You are bigger than your troubles. Let your mind be at ease and your heart be gentle. There is a lesson and a blessing behind every fear, every obstacle, every challenge. For the beauty is in the breakdown and the learnings that come from falling. So don't be afraid to fall, don't be afraid to fail and cry and start all over. Let the experience affect you as it will. Cry or shake or scream and curse the world...and then move on. Just take a deep breathe and move on to a better thought. Let your mind come to a positive state and let your heart be gentle and understanding. Know that you will overcome any challenge, any fear, any troubles placed before you.

You are destined for happiness and so much more. Trust in this. And always, always, always, count your blessings.

"I've learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me."

So much to be thankful for...